uys. My baby is about to be 6 months. Half a year. It’s been half a year since i met this cool lil Léo man and i had no idea I would be so emotional about it! In the beginning I’ll admit, I was super annoyed by everyone telling me, “cherish these moments, it goes by so fast”. I mean some days I am barely surviving let alone able to take time to “cherish the moments”. Between learning to breastfeed, sleep deprivation and making sure I don’t mess up this tiny human the hospital let me take home, we’re all lucky to have made it this far! That being said, they were right. When I look back I worry that I was too worried about everything. Is he sleeping enough? Is he stimulated enough? Is he eating enough? So now I’m worried I didn’t “cherish the moments” enough. What someone should have warned me about was the excessive worrying… So much worry all the time. Jeeze. I think back to our first few months together and every single hard moment, every single lost minute of sleep, it is so absolutely worth it. Cliché I know, but true.
I feel like there is so much good stuff inside me that i had no idea was there before he came along. I remember Marc asked me once why I didn’t want to have kids**. I told him I was worried I wouldn’t love my kid enough. I realize that sounds awful, but I am not really an affectionate person and I didn’t know if I would have enough in me. Turns out I do. So much. Sometimes I’m worried I might eat him he is so high level cute. Léo has obviously changed so much in his first 6 months earthside, and I feel like I have grown alongside with him. I’m more patient than I was before. I’m more gentle, and I’m definitely more loving. Case in point: I told my coworkers when I was pregnant that there was absolutely no way my child would sleep in my bed. I would be strict and he would sleep on his own. Léo still sleeps with me. For all naps and at night… I have become what I guess people call a gentle parent. I breastfeed. I babywear. I bedshare. And none of it because I was hoping to follow a certain style of parenting, its just what felt right to me. I don’t have much experience in this whole parenting game yet, but one thing I do know is that Marc and I know our kid best. We parent the way that feels right for us and what seems to make our little Léo thrive. What works for our family won’t work for everyone, and that is how it should be! How boring life would be if we were all the same. We will continue to grow and change with our little man. As much as I hate to see the time passing so quickly I know Léo is eager to move forward and learn. I will take the advice I was annoyed with before and pay attention. I will pay attention to the way he leans into me as he sleeps. I will watch his eyes light up when he sees me come in the room and I will appreciate this time when he always thinks I’m the funniest person in the room. This fact is true but he will likely deny it as he grows up. Point is, I’m not sure he will ever love me as much as he does now so I want to take it all in.