riends, let’s get sappy shall we?kay f
Today I was laying down with Leo as he napped. Which I do sometimes, (or if I’m being honest all of the times) and as I looked at his face, I teared up. Now let me preface this by saying that I am so not that type of person. Honestly, I had to make sure that’s what was actually happening since I almost didn’t believe it myself, but yep. Real, happy moist eyes. Can you blame me though? I mean look at his chubby round cherub face? What even is that? I. Just. Freaking. Love. Him. And the good looking dude with him of course!
I’m trying hard to avoid this post being that « I never knew love until I knew him » but let’s be honest, I’m going there. That face is just something so pure, I can’t properly handle it. I have always been a pretty logical, non emotional type. I mean, I’m nice and I have actually always felt things extra hard, but I hid it super well. These days I’m an open book, my heart is on my sleeve 100% of the time and every cute, snuggly, sappy moment makes my heart burst and my eyes water. What has this kid done to me? I think I’ll just add this to «things everyone told me would be true but I brushed off and now I realize how very true it actually is » All the cliche motherhood stuff you read online is true! There’s a reason the mom blog community is so big. We’re just a bunch of women trying to figure out how to do life when all you want to do is stare at your kid and talk about how dope he is. I mean obviously not 100% of the time (hello me time) but a very gigantic amount of the time. I mean the amount of times I say to Marc, « oh my god look how cute he is! » is seriously not normal.
I really do feel like a different person since I’ve had Leo. In the beginning it was scary as I tried to navigate this new all encompassing role (a topic that deserves its own post, stay tuned). I do find that Im still adapting to this new, squishier version of myself, but I’m loving it. Who knew a tiny human could turn all the parts of your heart into overdrive? Besides all parents ever of course. It’s rough at times since it really seems like I feel all things to the absolute max. Worry? Oh there is so much constant worry! Frustration? Oh yes, especially when coupled with no sleep due to a kid who wants to practice his new crawling skills 24/7. Shock and Awe? Yep. I still can’t believe this tiny, beautiful human is my son. When he giggles at something I swear I feel like I will just explode from cuteness overload. And Leo is a happy baby so I pretty much bust multiple times a day. Love? Oh heck yes! I think I’ve mentioned it before but I used to have this weird fear that I wouldn’t love my kid enough. I think it stemmed from being a bit of a closed off person, but boy was I wrong! I’m just gonna take this post all the way and quote This Is Us (but not exactly since mom brain would never let me retain anything that specific). In one episode Randall (who I relate to because he is my level of type A) was worried he wouldn’t know what to do when his daughter was born. He was told « What they don’t tell you is that babies come with the answers. They come out, they look up at you, and you at them, and they tell you who you are.”*** Nothing in the history of anything has never resonated more true for me. Although I know I’ve changed quite a bit since Leo came earthside, I have never been more fully myself. I see all of these parts of me that have been squished down for so long just pouring out of me. I love those around me, and myself, so much more fully than before. I’m happier, more fulfilled and just more inspired than ever before. In between the overwhelmed moments, the sleepless nights and constant anxiety that I’m doing something wrong of course. It’s a balancing act folks!
Before I leave, I’ll apologize for the sap, but what better day to flood you with mushy feelings than today? Happy Valentines Day from my wispy haired cherub!! 💕
*** Ps that’s the actual quote because I remembered that I saved this episode in my PVR