lright let’s just get this one over with. Let’s talk mom bods. I hesitated writing about this because my experience has been different than a lot of other people. I wasn’t sure if I would get solidarity fist bumps or just eye rolls. Reality is I’ll probably get both so let’s just go with it.
Back when I was pretty certain I didn’t want kids there were a lot of reasons I had made that decision. Some logical and some selfish… Like the one I am about to admit to you right now. I was worried about messing up my bod. Cue the shade. Although to be fair I think a lot of women feel this way, but it’s not exactly acceptable to admit. It’s supposed to be this sacrifice we make for our kids and our bodies are made for this blah blah, but come on, I know I’m not the only one who worried about it. All I could see in my future was stretch marks, saggy boobs and mom butt. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my nice bod and wasn’t pumped about having to work so hard to “bounce back” either. Now let me be clear, this was a few years ago. I now realize that the whole bouncing back thing is a bit of a joke. The amount of work that goes into raising a tiny human is so much more than I expected that the bouncing back part is still on the back burner for me. Kind of. I mean I do think it’s important to feel good about yourself, but this can mean so many different things. For some it means stroller fit and mommy yoga, while for others it’s eating a salad once a week.. There are levels people. Personally, in the first few weeks after having Leo feeling good about myself was as simple as remembering to brush my teeth. Most days my hair was a knotted mess and I have no shame, see below for an example 3 days after Leo was born. Yeah, it was that bad.
My current mom bod worries go a little something like this. Léo has pretty much sucked all the fat from my legs, butt, hips and thighs through my boobs. He has used my curves to create his multiple chins, chubby thighs and bubble booty. This is all well and good! I am ecstatic that I have been able to grow a human both from inside my body and still now that he is out, but did he have to steal my curves in the process?! One look in the mirror and I see that the answer is yes. So what does all of this mean? Well, I now know that Mom butt is real. I am living proof, and I know this will sound superficial, but it makes me sad. I am in mourning of my pre baby booty. It’s just gone. Like one day it was there in my pregnancy photos and my best friend and her husband were all “whoa, check that booty mama” and then a couple weeks into breastfeeding and poof, bye bye booty. If you follow me on Instagram you will see all of the creative ways I have tried to hide it in my pics. Exhibit A below 😉 A little creative editing and no one will know. Except now that I’ve outed myself…
Now it goes even further than the tragic loss of the booty. My legs are now also weirdly skinny which is giving me PTSD to my pre pubescent junior high days. I keep trying to tell myself, “your body was just made for making babies that’s all.” I put my scientist hat on and remember reading that there is a biological reason some men are attracted to curves. That it subconsciously hints that you will be a good baby maker. I.E. there are enough fat reserves for your baby to steal. Guess I really am a one and done mom, since there is nothing left for baby number two. Marc has literally been trying to sneak me fatty foods and get me to work out. Sometimes it’s a “here eat this entire avocado” or “hey let’s take this road with the incredibly steep hill”. I see what you’re doing Marc, I am on to you! He has also been trying to help by telling me that that this is the best problem to have since I will just have to tone up and I should see results fast. What he doesn’t know is that I would need those results immediately to be pleased. Working out is my actual nightmare.
In the end we all have our little things that bother us. For some it’s stretch marks, others it’s stubborn belly fat, saggy boobs, hair loss, or the dreaded mom butt. What I do know is this. Whatever you feel about your post baby bod just remember, we’re all badass mothers who grew actual humans and lived to tell the tale. Whether we make it through the sleep regressions, terrible twos and the teenage years is yet to be seen. But we’ve certainly nailed the grow a human and bring it into this world part! That is an actual scientific marvel, do you have any idea how many things had to align perfectly for that to happen? The chance for error is astronomical! Sorry, scientist hat again, let me just take that off for now.
If you need me I’ll be over here doing squats. Just kidding I’ll be napping with my kid and eating Halloween mini bars…