o becoming a mom has caused me to lose many, many hours of precious sleep. I am starting to believe that this is what has been causing my weirdness factor to creep up. Or it’s at least a good excuse for what may have always been a thing. I’m not entirely sure. In any case, I have noticed myself doing some odd things lately. So much so that at the suggestion of my fiancé I began to write them down as they happened. Here are a few, in no particular order of weirdness:
I have always been a shower singer. Where else can an awful singer like myself satisfy her urge to belt out some classics? Fallin – Alicia Keys? Kill it. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis, smash it (although never as good as my best friend). Forgot about Dre – Dr Dre feat. Eminem? You know I got that one locked down. However, since having Leo I have caught myself taking this whole shower concert down many notches. Decibel notches to be exact. I honestly caught myself singing in my head the other day, and I wish that was the worst part. To top it off I was singing “Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. For real. And not as an instructional guide to cleaning my body. It was a two part realization. 1 – oh my god, I’m singing in my head. Followed by, sure am, a kids song. I think my cool factor is slipping much faster than I had expected.
Oh and while we are on the topic of singing can I just point out that Leo loves my singing voice? Like to the point where sometimes if he’s crying I can start singing and he will stop crying and smile at me? Last week he has a car breakdown, had been crying for 20+ minutes and the second I started singing he was good again. It’s a great excuse to sing like a diva even with very poor vocal skill. He may be giving me false confidence. That or I am actually the next Alicia Keys. I should really add getting a record contract to my To Do list.
To be honest, I expected this one. We have two cats, one who has always had digestive problems (yay) so talking poop has always been a thing for Marc and I. With Leo this « thing » has escalated. When Leo was only on breast milk he would sometimes only go once a week. All the books, google searches and doctors will tell you this is normal, but as an adult human who poops daily it just doesn’t seem right! So you start to worry. You start the tummy massages, the leg peddling, the prune snacks, the avoiding your favourite onesies and cloth diapers as P day approaches. You know how it is, normal poop preparation. Now that Leo has started solids it hasn’t gotten much better, he’s still about once every 5 days. I’m sure some of you think it must be nice not to deal with poop everyday, but to be honest we start hoping for a blowout by day 4 or 5. I don’t care what anyone says, being that full of poo cannot be comfortable! It has gotten to the point that when he finally does poop Marc comes downstairs with me to change him. He’s a good Dad and wants to look at the poop. You know, make sure it’s a normal colour/consistency and that the smell isn’t too weird. Regular good parent behaviour. This usually ends with us congratulating Leo on a great (gigantic) poop and tag teaming the spray down in the bathroom. Thank god for Dads who work from home! #pooptagteam
Becoming a Conlanger
So I know that as a good parent you are supposed to talk to your child using real words. It helps them learn properly, etc. But sometimes Leo’s level of cute is so high that I can’t seem to make a normal sentence. My voice gets unusually high, I smile like a maniac, and I call him everything but his actual name. Here is a non exhaustive list of what he is known as around our house: My bug, Love Bug, Bugito, Bugalito, Bub, Bubs, Bubbly Boy, Sweet Pea, Noodle Head, Sweet Head, Squish Face, Smile Master, Blueberry Boy, Cheek Master, and so on. At this rate the kid will never learn his own name. Don’t worry too much though, he’ll learn plenty of actual words cause we do things like this (see below)
Seeing danger everywhere
Okay so you know that beautiful living room you took so long decorating? After you have a kid you will see it for the deathtrap it truly is. Beautiful vase with fresh flowers? How bout smashed vase with poison petals? 60 inch tv on a beautiful wooden table? Now it’s a 25 pound boulder that’s just waiting to fall at the first tug. I could go on but you get the point. Leo is almost nine months and really eager to get on the move, so we have started baby proofing. Let me tell you, it’s much more work than you think! And why is it that your kid usually only wants the things he’s not allowed to have? 10 toys in front of him and he wants the electrical cord behind the couch. Go figure. To be fair, I’m a little anxious about all things baby health and safety. I mean did you see how I overreacted to Leo being sick last week? If not you can preview my craziness here.
Guys, this list could go on forever so I’ll stop here. I have changed quite a bit since having Leo, but in a lot of ways I haven’t changed at all. I have always been a shower singer, a poop conversation enthusiast, a slang inventor and a worry wart. I guess the difference is now the focus of all these traits has changed. Instead of talking about my own poop and worrying about my own safety I now talk about my child’s poop and worry about his safety. Oh how selfless I have become!
Stay weird mes amis!